Well, in Office 2K/XP/2K3, it's pretty easy:

Just right click on him and select "Options".  In there, there's a box that says "Use the Office Assistant"......take the check out of that box and he's history. (You can always get him back if you want him, by going to the Help menu and selecting "Show the Office Assistant".)

In Office 97, you have to be a little more clever to get rid of him completely, but I figured it out:

Click on your Start button, then select "Find", then "Files or Folders" and search your C drive for a folder named "actors" (without the quotes)....this is where Office 97 stores the pesky little devils.....if you right click on this folder and select "Rename" and give it a different name, Office 97 won't be able to find it and, therefore, will not display the little creeps any more.  I renamed mine "Retired Actors".... LOL.

Now, how about them disappearing toolbar buttons and menu options?

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